


I'm A Little Messed Up and That's Okay

by abbeyjewel



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftercare, BDSM, Caning, Light BDSM, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-20 14:25:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3653727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abbeyjewel/pseuds/abbeyjewel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky feels bad about his coping methods, Sam and Steve help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm A Little Messed Up and That's Okay

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to the people who have been dealing with all the crap in the Hydra Trash Party tag. This isn't technically HTP, but it is for those who are involved in it and have felt bad about themselves for the things they like. 
> 
> Thanks to [pgnbri](http://pgnbri.tumblr.com) for beta!

“-But it’s not a bad thing, Bucky!” 

“Steve, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Bucky said, his hands over his face and his words muffled. 

“What did I miss?” Sam asked, plopping down on the couch next to Steve and leaning back leisurely. Bucky leaned forward and hid his face face deeper in his arms. 

“Bucky thinks his way of coping with his trauma is unhealthy. I told him it wasn’t, but he won’t listen to me.” Steve informed him, leaning back into the space under Sam’s arm. “Maybe he’ll listen to you?” The words weren’t even out of Steve’s mouth before Bucky was shaking his head, but otherwise he remained silent. 

“How are you coping with your trauma, Bucky?” Sam asked, slightly concerned now. There were a number of ways a person could deal with trauma, and many of them were also unhealthy. Steve wasn’t the best at healthy coping methods. 

“He likes to be hit. Pushed around. Told what to do.” Steve responded, when it was clear Bucky wasn’t going to answer. “There’s always been people like that. It’s not a bad thing. We knew plenty of them back in the 40’s.” Sam raised an eyebrow, holding back his comment on the obvious to focus on the hunched over man next to him. 

“Bucky?” He sighed and uncurled from himself, his bangs hiding some of his face while the rest was in a messy bun on top of his head. He was pink, and staring determinedly at the floor. 

“It’s different.” Bucky insisted. “They do it for fun. This isn’t. I mean it is fun. But.” He exhaled hard and twisted away from the Sam and Steve. “I don’t know how to explain it.” He finished, voice full of frustration. 

Steve shot Sam a _Do you see what I mean?_ look, and Sam rolled his eyes at him. “Well, I agree with Steve on this one. I don’t think it’s necessarily unhealthy. I think it can actually be a pretty decent coping mechanism. You’re not the first to use it.” 

Bucky didn’t say anything for a few moments, and Sam ran his fingers through Steve’s short hair, partly to keep the blond quiet. 

“There are people who say otherwise. I asked about it, online. Said I was weird.” Bucky’s voice was small, it got that way sometimes when he felt threatened. Like if he could keep his voice small, himself submissive and demure, he could avoid a handler’s wrath. 

“Well not everyone agrees,” Sam started. “But as person who has been in the Kink community a long time,” He ignored Steve’s look of surprise. “I’ve known quite a few people who have lived through trauma and used BDSM as a way of coping with it. I’m not your therapist, and I can’t be,” He gave Steve and Bucky’s back a hard look, as they both had initially refused a psychologist. Bucky had ended up going because it was part of his agreement with the court, but he never talked to them. “but I’m no stranger to seeing it there either.” 

Bucky had turned back to look at him, hesitancy and curiosity on his face. “You’re kinky?” he asked. 

“I didn’t know that.” Steve added, and Sam could see the little flair of hurt. They had been dating for a few months now, but it simply hadn’t come up yet. 

“Yes, I am.” Sam ran his fingers through Steve’s hair again, spiking it up and then smoothing it down. “It just hadn’t come up yet, and you had other things on your mind. It’s not something I needed then. ” He glanced pointedly at Bucky, who was now looking at Sam with restrained curiosity. 

“See Bucky,” Steve had turned toward him, a smile on his face. “Sam is kinky! Maybe,” He paused now and glanced back at Sam. “I could try it? Show him it’s not that bad?” 

Sam closed his eyes and sighed. This was his boyfriend, the man he chose to be with. Of course he would jump into it, headfirst and without looking. Sam had known for a while that Steve was submissive, even if the man in question didn't even know himself. He'd easily be taken in by this. He just didn't want things to go quite like this, but Steve was already standing up. 

"What do I have to do?" He asked, with barely restrained anticipation. Sam started to protest, before he caught sight of Bucky’s expression. He was starting at Steve with a mix of anticipation, need, and almost absolution. 

They really needed to talk more before doing this, but Bucky seemed to need it. They didn’t have to do much, just a taste. “Or wait, who is in charge?” Steve asked, looking worried for a moment. The man could lead, but he also knew when to follow orders. 

“No, I dom.” Sam stood up and walked behind Steve, touching his arm before taking his hand and squeezing it gently. It wouldn’t do to say anything, not after Steve had made up his mind. “You don’t have to do this, you can stop anytime.” He felt compelled to say anyways. Steve set his jaw and nodded. 

Sam sighed and pointed to the couch. “I want you to push your jeans down, and bend over the couch, feet shoulder-width apart. I’ll be right back.” He turned and made his way to his and Steve’s shared bedroom, to the closet where he had stored some of his old things. Sam had a nice collection of toys, but none that he had used in a while. The space that Stark gave them was plenty big, that even sharing a closet, he managed to store his bag inconspicuously. It wasn’t that he was trying to hide it, it was just never found. 

Back in the living room, Steve had obeyed him -- of course he had, he was taking this seriously-- and Bucky was still sat on his side of the couch, unmoving, but engaged nonetheless. Steve was tense, muscles bunched and tight in anticipation and a little fear. 

Sam set down the cane he had brought, an acrylic that was nice and stingy, and gently placed his hands on Steve’s boxer-clad bottom. Steve didn’t flinch, but he didn’t relax either, not until Sam rubbed his ass gently. 

“Rules.” Sam started, he needed at least that. “I may be domming, but you’re in charge. This is about pleasure. If you aren’t enjoying yourself, tell me to stop, and I’ll stop.” No fancy safe words today. Sam didn’t continue until he had a nod from both Steve and Bucky, after all Bucky was also involved. “Next, don’t move from where I put you. I want you to relax, tensing up isn’t going to help you.” Again, he waited for the nods. “Any questions?” They both shook their heads no. 

He didn’t pick up the cane again until Steve had relaxed under his hands. The talking had helped, and Sam didn’t want to do this if Steve was too tense. He wanted Steve to enjoy this, he’d imagined introducing Steve to this for a long time now, easing him into it gently. He could only hope this would go well. 

“Ready?” He asked. Bucky nodded again, but Sam was pleased when Steve let out a quiet “Yes, sir.” 

The first hit was gentle, comparatively, and Steve took it silently. The second and third were each harder. Slowly, Sam brought the level up. At the fifth, Steve let out of a soft “Oh,” and relaxed more against the couch. At ten, he was making small noises and leaning up into the blows, but not moving enough for Sam to correct him. 

When he’d started, Sam hadn’t really had an idea of how many swats he’d inflict, just see how it went. Fifteen went by, and Steve didn’t make a sound of protest, only kept up the soft pleased sounds he was already making. At twenty, Sam paused. Bucky had stayed where he was the entire time, completely enraptured. “Bucky,” The other man looked up at him, eyes wide. “I want you to sit in front of him and hold him.” Steve didn’t need to be held down, but Sam wanted Bucky involved. 

Bucky nodded and moved in front of Steve on the couch, sitting with his legs folded. He guided Steve up until their foreheads touched, stroking Steve’s hair with one hand, and down his arm with the other. Steve huffed out a breath, but otherwise let himself be manipulated. 

The final ten were drawn out. Sam taking a few moments after each one to admire Steve’s reaction. A soft gasp would escape his lips, his hips would move, towards the couch first and then back toward Sam. It was a beautiful sight, and Sam could only imagine the expression on Steve’s face. 

At thirty, Sam stilled for a moment before setting the cane down. He moved forward and gently touched Steve’s back, where it was bent over the couch. Steve rocked forward and then back into his touch again, a strained noise slipping out, as if he was expecting the cane again and was surprised at the soft touch instead. “No, shh, we’re done now.” He pressed a kiss to Steve’s back before moving to the front of the couch. 

Together, he and Bucky pulled Steve onto the cushions and cradled him, Bucky with Steve’s top half, and Sam with Steve’s bottom half. Steve’s hair was damp, his face pink, but he was relaxed and sank into their touches. 

They were quiet for a while, just letting Steve recover. Sam watched over both of them, making sure from body language that the two were alright. Steve’s eyes were closed and he looked more relaxed and happy than Sam had ever seen him. Bucky looked at Steve with curiosity and intrigue, but just a tiny bit of worry. 

“Bucky,” Steve said finally, not even opening his eyes. Bucky hummed in acknowledgement. “I liked that. You should. You should try that.” Bucky bit his lip in an attempt to keep the smile from breaking out on his face, but Sam saw it anyways. 

“How was it, big guy?” Sam asked Steve, needing a verbal confirmation that Steve did in fact enjoy what had just happened. 

“I-” He paused and took a deep breath in. “I enjoyed that a lot more than I thought I would.” He was smiling, and curled in towards Bucky, who had resumed playing with his hair. 

“Good,” Sam couldn’t help but smile as he resumed gently massaging Steve’s legs and feet. “That’s the point of it, after all.” Steve hummed in agreement. “But that’s not the only thing involved. There’s other aspects of BDSM too. Some that don’t include pain, at all.” He was saying this for both their benefits, but Steve seemed to almost be falling asleep with how relaxed he was. “Some people just like being told what to do, some people only like the pain, some like neither and just like being tied up. It’s a huge and diverse community.” Bucky on the other hand was paying him rapt attention, only petting through Steve’s hair as an after thought at this point. 

“I’m not sure what I’d like.” Bucky tells him, and Sam just nods. 

“You don’t have to know what you like. You can always try things out. Safely.” 

“Could you help?” Bucky looked hesitant to ask. Steve is dating Sam, but Sam and Bucky’s relationship was still forming, they were just beginning to get to know each other. 

“I’d like to,” Sam smiled. “But we will have to discuss it. We need to have a long talk about all of this first, set some boundaries, that kind of thing.” 

Bucky nodded and smiled, a soft little one, but the biggest smile Sam had seen on him since he’d arrived.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you liked it, please leave a comment!


End file.
